Playgrounds and Growing Up

On the first day of Spring, Nathaniel and I took our son to Rita's for his very first taste of water ice. As the cool, lemony-sweet crystals dissolved on his tongue, he looked up at us with a beaming smile. It's the little things in life. Watching the world through his eyes is such a beautiful reminder of all the things we easily take for granted. Everything is new for him. Every bus that drives by is a "Bus! Bus! Bus!!!! Bye, bus." Every dog is an "Oof, oof!" When he is sad, he wants "Mum mum mum" and when he's hungry he wants "Mur" food. It's so much fun to watch.

The weather has been just beautiful recently, so we broke out the shorts today and walked over to the playground for an adventure. At first, I tried putting him on the slide by himself and holding him as he went down, but he was a little nervous about that. So I climbed up and went down the slide with him on my lap, and he liked that. After a few times going down the slide together, he was feeling brave enough to go by himself (while I held onto him). By the end, he was getting to the bottom and giggling, going "Wowwww!"


If there's one thing I'm learning, it's that these moments really do go by so quickly. I can't believe how big he's getting and how quickly he is learning things. It seems like he's learning at least one new word a day, and even how to put words together. And the photos I have of him when he was younger are so precious to me now that he's getting big. With each new day, I look back at the memories those photos provide and cherish this incredible life that we have.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.

I am happy.  Fully, completely, beautifully happy.

I had a chat the other day with an old friend from my modeling days.  It made me realize I'm the one who has changed.  I felt so empty in front of the camera.  Just standing there - faking expressions, feelings, ideas.  Inventing false realities.  This self-obsessed world that is thoroughly saturated with vanity and entitlement.  I lived in that world but I didn't belong.  I was so lonely, so empty.

And now I'm with Nathaniel. I'm pursuing the things that make me happy, and he supports me like no other. I'm photographing what I love.  Real life.  Things make sense now.

This is what I want.

This is what I want.  No lights.  No backdrop.  No poses.  Just people the way they are - which is more than enough.

I have fallen completely and hopelessly in love with this part of life.  Pregnancy is beautiful, birth is empowering, children are innocent.


I want to show this.  Nothing staged. Nothing fake.  Just honest reality, which is more breathtaking than anything else in the world.

I love this baby more than I can express.