I'm so crafty....

It's a boy!

Welcome to the world, little one. Just a few months to go...

Constantine has something he'd like to say!

Belly Beauty

            Growing up, I had some really interesting and enriching experiences that helped shape the work I do today. For many years, I would take the bus to East Oak Lane and study fine art in the home of a family from church.

            I loved my art teacher. I argued with her all the time but I learned a lot. When I was in high school, I got there early and cleaned in exchange for lessons. Walking through that perpetually cold and dark house, where every surface had a permanent fine dust and every breath was filtered through a haze of charcoal, I felt like I was in a magical haven. I loved being there early, steam-cleaning floors, vacuuming up debris from the walls that were falling into disrepair. My teacher was eccentric and strange and reclusive but her love for art, her students and teaching was undeniable.

            I remember the day she showed us a documentary on the work of a famous artist who painted nude women during the Renaissance. Again, a member of our church, our teacher had to proceed with trepidation. I feel I owe a great deal of thanks to her for the way she honored the beauty of God's creation in the human body and taught us to do so as well.

            In many ways, that is what appeals to me about mother-centric photography. Pregnancy, birth, motherhood are all part of a celebration of feminine beauty. Our culture is pervaded with an overly-sexualized image of femininity. We've forgotten how to honor bodies as God's beautiful creations without treating them with a measure of shame or perversion.

            It's a question I've had long discussions about. When we admire the great works of DaVinci or Michelangelo, surely we know that they weren't painting from their imaginations. There is a debate of ends justifying means and honestly, I don't know who is right. I know that I am not offended when I look at those paintings. To me, they are beautiful. And that leads me to believe that it is not wrong to use photography to capture that same innate graceful beauty.

            Becoming a mother has made me appreciate this so much more. How our bodies are designed to carry, develop, deliver and sustain life. We are these incredible works of art at every stage. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. And I believe that that is worth celebrating.

Waiting.

Less than two weeks until my due date and every day feels like its own eternity. I can't wait to meet our little man - and on top of that, I can't wait to not be carrying around a beach ball with me everywhere I go! Skinny jeans, I will fit in you again!!!!

While I'm waiting for Constantine's arrival, I did have a lot of fun taking baby pictures a little while ago. What an adorable little girl!!! Have I mentioned I love taking baby pictures?

Well, me and my beach ball belly have been making use of the wireless internet at a diner down the road from the cottage but they're about to close, so it's time for me to head out. It's a lovely day for a walk - maybe I'll give birth on the side of the road next to some cows.... ha!

Insomnia.

The last several weeks I've had a near impossible time getting a full night's sleep. I wake up in the night feeling like every muscle in my body has been beaten up and it's just very difficult to get through the night.

The upside to this, I suppose, is that I have time at odd hours to do things - like edit photos.

We will be done housesitting in less than two weeks now and then we'll be completely transitioning into our new home. There's a lot to get done between now and then and I think that, coupled with the stress of making sure everything is ready for Constantine's birth have been contributing factors to my lack of sleep, as well. Coming from someone who obsessively makes lists and tries to organize every minute detail of everything, surprises and the great unknown are not on my list of favorites!!!

I'm looking forward to working with my talented friend, Hillary Petrozziello in the near future. Hillary and I went to Temple together and I've always really admired the way she sees things artistically. It'll be fun to let someone else's artistic vision of what my pregnancy looks like take a different spin on things. I'll keep y'all posted.

Milestones

A lot has happened since I last wrote. I'm 34 weeks pregnant today - which means Constantine is going to be making his debut appearance very, very soon!

Nathaniel and I just signed the lease for our absolute dream home - a stone cottage on a 200-acre organic farm. The owners of the farm rent out the cottage and the *enormous* garden next to it for an unbelievable price, and since Nathaniel found work in the area, we are officially moving to Berks County!

I also confirmed today with an old friend of mine that I will be shooting her wedding next summer. I'm honestly so happy - weddings are such a happy occasion to begin with, but this particular couple is so perfect for each other, I'm just so excited that they're getting married and that I get to be there!

In a week and a half I've got a baby-pictures session with one of my dad's co-workers. I'm really excited about this too, because as you've all probably figured out by now, I think babies are pretty much the most wonderful people ever.

On top of all of that, I just picked out paint colors with my sister for the new house and we've got to start moving in and making sure we're all ready for Constantine's home birth. 34 weeks is a good milestone, but it also means that he could really come any time now and we want to be prepared!

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P.S. I don't know why the color is desaturated in these photos but they look much better on my Facebook.

Not easily broken.

The past two weeks have been a difficult time for me. In one week I will be done my BFA at Temple and it only just hit me on Tuesday how I can use this degree in journalism to my advantage as a stay-at-home mom.

I'm thinking about starting a new YouTube channel focusing on home birth. I have all of the equipment I need to conduct video interviews and take photos and if I haven't learned how to write an article by now I've been wasting my time. It could be more casual, more intimate than a news outlet, not so structured. But a consistent, maybe once weekly or twice monthly video interview with someone who has something to contribute to the natural birth world. It wouldn't even always have to deal directly with home birth - there are so many "Mommy" related things to talk about and I know I'm about to be introduced to a whole new world of them when Constantine arrives.

I have found that this is what I'm passionate about. This is what I love. I'd like to do something with it.

The past few days, I have been glad for the reminder that even in difficult times, a cord of three strands is not easily broken. I have my husband and I have God loving me through every single day, no matter how hard it gets. I'm thankful for that gift.

Constantine Ryan

WE'RE HAVING A BOY!!!!!!! He is so little and perfect and sweet, I'm so in love.

A hundred pieces.

The first time I felt the baby move I was so astonished by the experience I almost cried. It was just this tiny little push that reminded me that there is a viable little person inside of me. Amazing.

These days, Smoosh moves around a lot. Those tiny little movements aren't quite so small anymore - sometimes they're not too bad but other times I start to think "Knock it off in there, or you're grounded!"

As of last night, I am finished all of my assignments for PhiladelphiaNeighborhoods. It was a long, difficult semester for me and although I met a lot of really awesome people, I'm glad that it's over. It was very frustrating and difficult for me to exert myself so physically for such long hours, knowing that it wasn't good for the baby or for me. We both needed to be resting a lot more than we were able.

I've felt like I haven't really had time to be myself or to get to know my changing body or the little one we're waiting to meet because of the demands of school. I have always been determined to finish my BFA and am proud of myself for being one step closer (two more classes this Summer II semester and then it's over) but I have really been longing to have more time to prepare for Smoosh. I feel like I've been torn into a hundred different directions and although I know which direction is most important to me, I haven't been able to pursue it. I'm very tired and I feel like I've neglected my child by overexerting myself for class. I don't like it.

I just keep looking to the end of the summer when I'm done school and I can spend some time with my husband and my baby bump.

20 Weeks.

It's taken long enough, but a photo gallery is finally in the works. It's kind of funny to me that my passion was so firmly rooted in pregnancy and birth photography before I ever became pregnant. These last several months have been a really amazing affirmation that this is what I want to be doing. I love our baby - I love this 'mommy' feeling that's growing and developing with this little person inside of me. It's such a surreal, truly incredible experience. This photo was taken today - I'm officially 20 weeks pregnant. Five months, how did that happen???

Stay tuned for details on this gallery! Every penny will be going towards the cost of a natural home birth, which is not covered by insurance. Incidentally, all compensation for my photography services currently is being allocated for this purpose as well. So if you have an event coming up - a wedding, a birthday party, an award ceremony, anything - or if you'd just like some up-to-date family photos, be sure to let me know!

Baby Gallery!

A friend of mine from Temple has an awesome gallery up at Cafe Twelve right now called Images of Cambodia.  The photos are really lovely - and I'm pretty sure they'll be up for about 2 more weeks, so if you want to check them out, be sure to go! (I bought one to hang in our new house!)

This got me thinking, though.  Maybe I should do a gallery of pregnancy and baby-themed photos to help raise money for our home birth.  The only downfall of home birth in many parts of the US is that it isn't covered by health insurance - can you believe that???  Women are practically forced to have their babies in hospitals!  Ok, I'll get off my soap box. =P

But anyway, paying for this birth is our biggest challenge right now.  We're looking into buying a little house for the three of us and have been putting away most of our income for our down-payment.  Little Smoosh is going to cost us roughly $3000, which is actually very inexpensive, but when it's all out of pocket and you're trying to buy a house, it's still a little difficult!  Every extra dollar that we make beyond what's already budgeted goes toward our darling little one.  Plus, we're planning to ask for donations instead of gifts at our baby shower (with a few exceptions) since so many people have generously offered us car seats, baby carriers, bassinets, furniture, clothing, etc. and there really isn't much else we need!

But what better way to raise money for our natural home birth than to have a gallery of pregnancy and baby pictures?  What do you think?  I think I'll start planning!

Waiting for our Smoosh.

Well, the days are moving forward until we get to meet our little one.  The first day back from Spring Break was a little rough, but I'm glad to know that all of the classes I need to graduate from Temple are signed up for and God willing, I will be totally done this August!  Plenty of time to rest up and prepare for our little smoosh to join us.

Each day is a new adventure for us, it's great.  We are constantly wondering at how incredibly happy we are together!  The perception of marriage, especially in America, seems so hopeless, pointless.  We have both experienced many examples of this since last August - but it's still a surprise, somehow, to realize that we may actually be an exception to a norm.  We are hopelessly in love.  We love being together.  We are overjoyed for this little life we've created together and we are excited to get to know them.

I had a really pleasant surprise the other day - my mom told me that an old friend of the family found out about my pregnancy by reading this blog, which she follows regularly.  I have a reader!  I have at the very least, one whole reader!  Yay!!!

I know that the tone of this blog has changed a bit since I started it.  It used to be predominately directly photography related writing, and lately it has had more of a personal feeling.  Things in my life are changing - priorities, passions, interests.  I am finding more and more that the things that make me happiest are in my home, so you'll have to pardon me if I end up writing about them more often!  =)

Very Big News!

There is some very, very, very big news in our world these days - Nathaniel and I found out on Monday that we are going to have a baby!!!!!

We are incredibly happy and excited and we can't wait to meet this new person.  They've only existed for a few short weeks and already I'm hopelessly in love with them.  We actually planned to try the night before the March for Life - it seemed appropriate.  So we are just indescribably happy to know that there is a life growing right now and it's our responsibility to love and take care of him or her.

Do you want to know how we broke the news to our parents and siblings?  Check out this video!